How grateful are you? And what are you grateful for?
February 3, 2009You know that little blank box on the left hand side of our Facebook profiles? The one no one can quite figure out what they should write in? One profile I saw today read in the box: “I have nothing but gratitude for every single stupid second of my little life.”
I thought it was pretty remarkable since often we get too wrapped up in our lives to truly be grateful for what we have. And I thought of this most last week when during my daily news-gathering I stumbled upon this piece about the DABA girls. If you haven’t read it yet, stop and go read it, and then come back here.
It’s called Dating A Banker, Anonymous. The DABA girls are a bunch of twentysomething women, mostly in Manhattan, who are dating rich bankers and basically living the life. That is, until every bank in America started imploding and the credit crisis hit –and every financial professional’s life got a lot more stressful.
Their girlfriends, however, are having none of it — and they’re absolutely despondent over the fact that they might not have their monthly Bergdorf’s allowances, they might have to cook dinner themselves, they might not get bottle service anymore, and some of their credit cards are getting cancelled. On their blog, they share their stories. One even complains that she may have to move to the Midwest for a more affordable lifestyle (and what is so wrong with the Midwest, I have to ask?)
Yes, I have heard some speculation that the DABA girls thing may be a stunt. Whether it is a stunt or not, I have no idea. But either way, the girls are either a) telling the truth, and genuinely unhappy about their lavish lifestyles being taken away, or b) really, really hungry for publicity. Either way, totally out of touch with reality.
The DABA girls, to me, are representative of a larger problem in society: we’ve forgotten where we came from. Gratitude is now only in style once a year, on Thanksgiving. All of us are guilty at times of taking what we have for granted (although the DABA girls take that to a whole new level). We get obsessed with wanting more — which is, after all, the American way.
The best part about the NPR article I linked to above is when the NYT, in their statement, says:
“The reason we liked the story — likely the same reason it has attracted so much attention — is that we knew it was resonant with many people who had nothing to do with their group but found themselves in similar situations.”
Um, what? I know a lot of people that are affected by the recession. But, when you’re worrying about making ends meet or finding a job or funding your company, who can actually relate to these girls?
No one living in the real world, that’s who.
They don’t give us something to relate to. They just give us a picture of how an abundance of wealth can make you completely lose your mind, and just how destructive money can sometimes be when we let it run our lives. Because the more we have, the more we want, until we completely forget where we came from. Instead of appreciating the little things, we start to just expect them. And demand them. And we become the centers of our own universes instead of remembering the things that matter.
But at the very least, reading their story reminded me of one thing: I have a lot of things to be grateful for in my life, recession or not. Exactly a month ago, I was sitting in Cambodia in an orphanage while little kids ran around our table trying to sell us books. Five years old, and they work all day hoping to sell a book or two because if they don’t — there wouldn’t be dinner tonight.
I don’t even know what I was doing when I was five. But I think my biggest worries in life were whether I could get my bedtime extended and whether I was going to get Polly pocket for Christmas, and probably how soon I was getting the training wheels off my bike. Yeah.
Being grateful is sometimes hard, but we shouldn’t let anything make us forget how fortunate we still are. Sometimes, all it takes is that little reality check.
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Very true. I agree. People, especially in America, take things for granted. That’s where many of us right now.
Yes, I completely agree with you. I read that article a while ago and I was totally shocked that people thought like that in the current crisis. There are far more horrible things happening in this world; atrocities, genocide, torture, poverty. It’s up to us to do our little to change this around.
I’m also skeptical and suspect that this thing might be a hoax – especially considering how much buzz a mostly new blog has generated in such a short period of time. That said, whether or not these girls are made up or the stories are fictional; they are at least loosely based on real people and real situations, and that alone is what’s depressing.
Thank you for this post, Nisha. If the DABA girls are looking for sympathy, I think they’ll receive very little (if any). It’s hard to take vapid selfishness seriously – even in the the best of times.
Akhila: Yeah, I’m kind of disappointed in the New York Times for starting all the buzz around this. There are WAY more important things going on that they could be reporting instead…
Rob: Yeah, it could be a hoax. But you’re right that it’s loosely based on some truth, and the point still remains that the fact that stories like theirs exist is depressing.
Raven- you’re right, they’re getting a lot less sympathy and a lot more hate on the internet. But there’s also rumors they’re getting a book deal. Which is ridiculous, but proves that even seemingly dumb rich girls can capitalize on their selfishness in a recession…
I’m also grateful for every wonderful second that I have. I have so much, yet if I were to all my material possessions, I would still have everything I need and want.
It’s funny, I read that DABA girls story a few days ago (probably from a link from you!) and I didn’t get the sense that they were being ungrateful, but that it was smart for them to form a support group to help them talk about their problems. Sure, their problems are very different from mine and we can’t relate to each other on the tactical ways, but on a base level, I understand loss, trying to budget money, etc. You’re right so many horrible things are happening, but we also need to take care of ourselves first before taking care of others. (And okay, maybe the DABA girls are obviously not doing either)
I work as a bill collector on car loans and typically deal with people who have lost everything financially. The majority of people,it seems, become more gracious about what they do have after becoming victims of the economy, for example good health and family becomes more important. I think that one develops gratitude after realizing that nothing is permanent— everything is vulnerable to being lost.
By the way, thanks for the link! It was nice reading about others who have received a liberal arts education and are able to use it to land a job.
[...] Not every girl can date a banker and get away with the spectulations seeing this is as a good relationship; therfore, these type of relationships maye question use to think what are we grateful for. [Politicoholic] [...]
Amen sister. It is incredibly sad how little many Americans understand about gratitude. At the same time, many of the quieter ones do get it, they just aren’t shouting it from the rooftops. Your post put me in mind of Alice Walker’s open letter to Obama (first appeared on Root.com and then in Newsweek) imploring him not to lose his soul and to remember the important things in his life, namely his wife and daughters. If he can remain in touch with those small joys, she advises him, “you can model real success, which is only what so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, but this is because it is not clear to them yet that success is truly an inside job.”